I’m not married but in the same way, a farmer isn’t a strawberry but grows them. The advice can be given with evidence.

Iyanla Vazant was talking about some women having unrealistic lists and standards and that’s why they cannot find partners. The person she was talking to was very accomplished and she complained she couldn’t find men in her circle.

 Iyanla gave her some good advice, why not date a decent man with a good heart he may not be as accomplished but will treat you well. Social media went mad with the new group of women who label themselves as feminine, accomplished, sophisticated women who only level up, lovers of capitalism booing her. They think there’s only one type of perfect man all women should want, high-value men (men with money)

Vazant was saying we don’t marry for pedigree or wealth or title. A lot of women will sacrifice themselves and their wants for a man with these things. Forgetting that you don’t marry the title or wealth or pedigree but the man. Shallow people though I think deserve each other. Most overly accomplished men who are shallow and rich could care less about a woman’s accomplishments, money, or how smart or feminine she is. Shallow men just want beautiful women to their taste and since they have the money they can get someone younger, agreeable, whose fun to be with because they have the money.

I think people should marry who they want. People try to bring God into this. I’m speaking on Christianity because many women online I’ve seen have brought the Christian God into their shallowness. A pastor’s wife in America was saying she’s got diamonds on one finger and a ruby will be on another finger. 

God wants all women to have this. This isn’t in the bible. She talks about what godly men want, godly men are as different as colours. X+x doesn’t equal y with human beings. Jacob didn’t love Leah the more submissive and obedient of the two he loved Rachel, who was beautiful but stubborn, and guess what he treated Leah badly because Rachel is what he wanted.

Ruth wasn’t feminine and sophisticated she worked in the fields and Boaz still wanted to marry her ( Ruth is some people’s idol of marriage). Sophisticated over achieved women didn’t work in the field. Esther likewise was an orphan who was upgraded. Sarah was always beautiful and though she loved the lord was a bit mischievous but Abraham loved her. Deborah was a bold virtuous woman. Let’s stop this lie that all women should be the same feminine women.

 I have some very feminine friends who are naturally that way inclined and they are wonderful because that’s who they are. You can either be yourself or a cheap imitation. God made you, you for a reason. It’s going to be very hard to pretend to be someone you’re not for a whole marriage to please someone else. You’ll sacrifice all God has made you for somebody to love you. You’re already lovable.

Cece Winan the gospel singer’s husband had gotten out of prison when they met, he had nothing, but she saw his potential and he made her laugh. He’s now a great pastor and they’ve had a wonderful marriage. Likewise, other women may meet perfectly godly rich men and be happy. The most important thing is the man is decent, loves God and you like him.

 Opposites do not attract. Adam said Eve was bone of his bone, the flesh of his flesh, translation she’s the female version of me and I love her.

Marry for you. Not for society, not for family, not for friends. You’ll be the one in that marriage. It’s sad we have women going under knives, frightened their eye shadow isn’t feminine enough, always saying their overly accomplished and have everything, education, money, and stuff but are so empty and hollow inside.

 Allowing other people to dictate their lives, wanting to change their body parts, not being able to exist in themselves, not feeling comfortable without makeup ( which is for fun and art not to hide insecurities), or dressing a certain way because they feel they have to. That’s why all those things do not bring self-love, esteem, or value those things are in who you are. Accepting and loving who God made you.

Vazant was saying she knows many outward feminine-looking women who are masculine in the way they get things. Desperate for love, chasing money, chasing respect. Women receive. Some women do not outwardly look like what femininity coaches call feminine but their level of confidence exudes that energy. Confident women at home in themselves is femininity. 

Love is bigger than all these superficial things. Shallow people deserve each other. We have people cheating because they didn’t love their partner and realised the superficial didn’t sustain them. We have people with happy marriages because they married loving decent people who they actually liked. The choice is yours.