“Supercalifragilistic espiladicious even though the sound of it is something quiet atrocious” (Mary Poppins) is how I would describe the current modern day discourse still penetrating the minds of Africans at home and in the Disapora as well as the descendants of the black man across the world. I am not talking about polygamists, to those who believe they can have multiple wives and marry them, i don’t have a problem with them if all parties involved understand. I’m not here to shame anyone’s believes. Yet for those who believe in Mogonamous relationships who have time to shame side chicks and hail main chicks for being stupid and celebrate the men, the mighty men who are so fragile they are always victims of women, even though they are the super prize to be held on to at all costs.
We have some men even say God is on their side for adultery.The woman shouldn’t leave the relationship because then the side chick wins. The homewrecker, siren, seductress, whore of a woman, who can make the man, the grand prize, wondrous, magical creature who must be grasped with a tight fist and served like a God, leave his natural godlike morals, strength, self control at the door and leave his virtuous wonder woman of a wife sometimes to sleep and hang out with the side chick behind her back but never leave her because she is the pearl in the oyster. The grande dame, Queen of Queens and woman of worth, cannot let the side chick win.
After all men are hard to get these days so if you find one, you must keep him and the more you act like a slave to a stupid man, one day he will value you enough to not be swayed by a so called whore, husband snatcher and home wrecker.
Meanwhile is the unfaithful man and sometimes woman ruining their own home. As the African proverb goes if there is no enemy within, the enemy outside cannot win. A great disservice is being done to our black boys and girls. We teach the boys that being useless is a right of passage, that they do not have to have self worth or respect, they can do whatever they want and still feel good about themselves. We teach them that is okay for them to be abusers, that women are a tool to gain food, a cleaner and worship.
Women are not taught to be partners that can offer love, support, ideas and nurture. We do not teach boys that they can have self control, after all a woman always tempts and men apparently can’t say no. Which is such a fragile place for a super being to be in, no wonder our boys and men are confused. They feel powerless to control their behaviour.
They find out they are not the great being they’ve been spoiled to believe and keep acting out to gain that favour. Some of our men are so weak they see every constructive criticism as insult, they want to overlord over everyone in their family and have the final say always, never encouraging healthy debate or individual identities because they feel threatened, when their wife is not a servant to them they feel threatened and abuse to feel like the man they have been taught must be served at all costs, or they go outside looking to be a sexual disease dispenser because the wife isn’t being wifely enough ( not bowing to them and working herself out to be his servant).
Yet some of our men who know masculinity can mean leadership by consent, self control, love and protection for their home end up being respected by their wives ( ofcourse if the woman also has common sense).
We also do a disservice to our girls we do not teach them that men can be faithful, smart, lovers and wonderful partners. That they do not have to be a servant and lose their voice in order to be loved by a man. Yet their voice can equally build a home. Like the African proverb goes though the man is the head, the woman is the neck that turns the head. Her value is not in her ability to do domestic chores ( which must be done anyway, and the man can also help), or be a mouse, seen but not heard or a person to be bragged about for being a househelp who never speaks and when it’s night time, dutifully satisfies her man’s lust ( though sex should be thoroughly enjoyed by both parties) yet her value is in her ability to nurture and bring herself into the relationship.
She gets bewildered when after being the woman she was taught was the one of every man’s dreams, a hard worker, who is also a domestic worker in her own home, who appeases and has lost her voice and identity to please her husband, is getting cheated on for a woman, who doesn’t care about any of these so called godly, cultured and traditional characteristics. In most religions Eve was a helper or the women had agancies, they were not doormats. Even in ancient Africa women had a value in their voice, they made crafts, arts and danced. The women were at home because men were out hunting and men were actually men, they had a wisdom and skill to manage a home. Their women were tactful and useful advisors. This is why African ancestors built great kingdoms and the modern ones cannot.
Yet, the poor woman who has been taught to be a domestic doormat to gain her weak man’s approval, tries to be even more of a domestic doormat and gets angry at the other woman for making her not feel good enough and stealing her man with sexual moves. Yet the so called whore who has no idea who she is and is trying to feel like a woman, because she has been taught if she is more of a domestic doormat than the wife or girlfriend and can have a man leave madame virtue for her, due to her sexual nature as well as doormat A grade, she can be the top woman. The funny thing is if she succeeds she becomes the cheated on so called virtuous doormat and she will be angry at her once upon a time self.
It’s time the Hens, Chicks and The fragile men learned to love themselves. As well as learn that they are people with value and they deserve love, respect and the freedom that comes with self control.
Author: Akosua Darko
creativeisme7@gmail.com
London, UK