Have you been hurt, betrayed, bullied or upset those who have trampled on you and left you frozen in time are moving on in glee. I won’t be the one to bash you about holding on to the pain, minimise it or act like you’re weak for not letting go or tell you you’re only hurting yourself. I am going to plead with you to be kind to yourself. As an akan proverb goes a wise woman is like a cat, and so is a wise person.
A cat looks around, blinks, gives an eye attitude and then ignores whatever doesn’t actually need violence or energy exerted for peace to reign. The cat is too busy living to worry about unnecessary foes and pain once caused that no longer needs to live inside.
Don’t think I don’t understand the pain you’re going through. I do. I was an unforgiving champion and even to this day it’s tough for me to move on. I have to remind myself often that I deserve to be happy and letting go is the only way I can be. Forgiveness is a gift for yourself not the other person. The other person is gone. The situation that caused the pain is gone.
Most often we hold unto the idea things could have been different and beat ourselves up for allowing ourselves to get hurt. Yet that’s life, if we knew better we would have done better, but we didn’t. If we could see the future we would have not made mistakes of letting them in,but we didn’t. So why carry the burden of someone else dysfunction and their wrong behaviour on your gentle head.
It’s taken me a long time to understand my anger, or revenge on them won’t change what happened. Even if you get revenge you’re still wasting time on a nonentity that does not deserve any more of your time. No one is saying you have to restore a relationship because over my dead body will I even speak to some people who’ve hurt me. That’s another thing cut people off.
I see a lot of people writing about haters and fake friends. The truth is, you’re the only one who can allow a hater or fake friend to get access to you. If you know they are the devil in sheep’s clothing, cut them off. There’s no need to be figuring out how you can co exist, if they don’t pay your bills, if you don’t have to work with them ( keep that strictly business) or they are not a necessary family member. There’s no reason for you to have any relationship for the sake of being ‘nice’. Be nice to yourself and stop being abused.
I know sometimes when you’ve helped a person and they throw it back in your face. You want to take back all the help. I can assure you someone who repays evil for kindness has a huge devil in their heart already tormenting them. Now they’ve gotten rid of someone who cares for them because I suggest under no circumstances do you continue a relationship with someone who repays you evil for good. That person is not a human being.
Lastly, realise like I have your life is in your hands. No amount of bad someone else puts in it can stop you living your life to the full. They’re gone and tomorrow is yours to create if you let go of them and the evil thoughts they brought to you with themselves of anxiety, depression, hurt, pain, the longing for justice and bitterness. Enjoy your life because you gave out love, let them carry their burden of hate on their head out of your life.
Endeavour next time to be around people with hearts as big as yours you can enjoy. Cut out the Judas’s you gain nothing from them yet they take everything from you. The world is your oyster, leave the past and pain behind. It’s hard, it’s not easy but one day you’ll realise it gets easier and no one can stop you living to full. Even Hitler was defeated, how bad can your enemies be.
Author: Akosua Darko
creativeisme7@gmail.com
London, UK
